On Politics 6/26/09: Frauds, In Triplicate

They say certain things happen in threes; typically, this refers to the death of celebrities, as we have experienced this week with Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson. You can almost see people wondering who will be next, as if they were playing a real-life version of The Dead Pool, the game within the movie of the same name starring Clint Eastwood. The absurdity of belief in such notions is so strong that even if a celebrity dies sometime in the next month, it will be considered part of the triumvirate that began yesterday.

In politics, we have a different version of the triplicate factor. Instead of deaths, we have recent political frauds, local and nationwide. The ongoing buffoonery of our Senate in Albany, coupled with the fall from grace of both Senator Ensign of Nevada and Governor Sanford of South Carolina. I've spoken repeatedly of the astounding antics being conducted by those supposedly representing us in this state, so much to the point that although it remains a subject rife with a thousand-odd things to write about, it's become somewhat wearisome to continue spouting off about. Perhaps that is the plan of the idiots running around Albany; more likely, it is not. To say those folks had a cohesive, coherent plan for anything would be to slander cohesive and coherent.

As for Messrs. Ensign and Sanford, our latest national disgraces, neither shows the inclination to do what would be right - resign your office in shame, and get out of the public spotlight. Instead, we seem to be watching another iteration of the new political playbook:

1) Cheat;

2) Deny cheating;

3) Come clean only after being caught or threatened with exposure;

4) Make tearful admission to spouse, live, on television (have spouse next to you for public admission, to ensure her embarrassment reaches a new low);

5) Make tearful comments to the electorate that this is a personal matter and please give us some privacy (well, not exactly...it was on your public job that you committed your private sin);

6) Forcefully state that you will not be resigning, that you are perfectly capable of doing the people's business, so as not to embolden your political opponents (too late buddy...and the business you were caught doing was surely not on the people's behalf);

7) When reminded of your previous condemnation of other public officials' sexual transgressions, erase holier-than-thou countenance from face and move on with prepared comments;

6) Engage consulting firm to help retain elected office or plan recovery to public spotlight (also known as the Newt Gingrich Resuscitation Model);

7) Remain in office until dragged out in handcuffs or lose next election (the Larry Craig I Was Just Practicing Morse Code In The Bathroom Stall Defense).

Can they all just please go away?